Things learned/remembered tonight

So as the day was coming to a very needed end, I made the silly mistake to look for sweet tart jelly beans at another store... well, how about that? Swimsuits on sale... and wait, there's one I wanted to get last season... in my size... this HAS to be my day, right?! Wrong. I took 2 different ones, and learned, my booty is in NO way ready for swimsuit season to come around, and I need to avoid them until absolutely necessary or I'm drunk enough not to care. Then, wait, clearance jeans, for under $5. Heck yes. Oh wait, and they even have my size... off to the dressing room I go... only hang my head... I can't even pull one pair up b/c  my thighs are too big... and the other pair ... uh, lets just say  muffin top.... so I decided to go a size bigger and just wing it. Then off to look for the jelly beans, but NOPE, they don't have all their Easter selection out either... too bad they didn't have liquor there or I would've gotten sum of that to sooth my irritated shopping trip.... And to top it off... I remembered that NO McDonald's in Arkansas has shamrock shakes... and just let me tell you, that's just a sin! And now it's bed time....

life

One of those days is today.... that I realized I would  forget about beach vacations, having a pet, and even having children... if it meant 1 thing.... and now I'm doing without all those things and not getting that other thing. So when I take a step away from my life and look at it. I am not getting fulfillment from the things that mean the most to me, and I'm trying to fill those with things that make me look happy... And gosh darn it, I'm doing a fabulous job with the way I'm filling it... at least for other ppl... it's just days like today that make me analyze my life hardcore, that I realize that I have nothing in my life worth living for...

Lies

So I've realized in the past few days that my life has become a big lie. I've  listened to people's comments about my life and realize how great of a front I must be putting on. I've been told that "it seems like ur life has really turned around for you" as I look them and laugh extremely long and hard in my head. Heck, I'm bitchy all the time, and it's all I can do to put up with stupid ppl and live my life without cracking... I can't answer the question of what my purpose is in my job or my life... heck, that has to be the worst feeling in the world. And I'm done with it! Just done...  Is it wrong that this years resolution is happening on feb 4 weekend? good cuz I'm doing it! I'm not having a pitty party 2night, I'm having, I enjoy life evening... and hopefully I won't do it alone... and if so, screw it, I am more than capable of a great life on my own!