control freak

So I know now how stupid I was that when looking back. I remember so times that I feared I wasn't changing my life, only b/c I wanted control... and thought that keeping it the way it was, would be the only way I could keep control of it. But alas. I wasn't in control of it then at all, I just feared the different path, changing my life, meant for me to travel. I feared it so much, I stayed and put myself through way too much crap. I know it wasn't my fault that I wasn't treated great, but it was my fault that I stayed, and put up with it. The fear of the unknown was just too much for me to bear. And then, with that fear building, and all my frustration building, it all came to a boiling point. And sha bang. Probably the worst spot in my life. I felt like I had no where to turn, no one to cling to, nothing. But that was just all an illusion too, b/c I had super great friends through it all, parents who literally DID EVERYTHING that they could for me, and a God who never left my side. It's so crazy that my view can change so much in retrospect, even so soon. But this has been such a learning experience... and not an easy one, but a much needed one. I know there are many more lessons to learn, and control will always be a struggle of mine, but every day at the beginning and end, and countless times in between, I say to myself, "let it go, just let it go"